July
July is a very overwhelming month. Three years ago July 19th was the worst day of my life. We lost Madux that day and our lives will never be the same because of it. Yet, from now until the day I die I have to "make it" through this month, that day, and pick myself up quickly because my baby girl has a birthday on July 28th. She lost her brother less than a week before her 5th birthday and I feel like I owe to her to be 100%
I refuse to not celebrate them both in the ways they deserve to be celebrated. This month I choose to celebrate them both. I choose to take my moments to grieve as well as laugh and remember the mischievous little boy that is now in Heaven. I choose to throw a Unicorn themed birthday for my sparkles and rainbow loving little girl. This year I am in a place that I can do both. It's taken me a very long time but as of July 2nd, 7:28 AM I feel like I am mentally prepared for the days to come. Not to say, I could completely fall apart at noon today. But I'm holding strong.
The Lord has worked miraculously in my life over the past 3 years. I began this journey as a bereaved mom clinging to Gods word. I just didn't know what to do with it. I just held on to, "God will get me through this, I have Faith and He gave me this for a reason. Once I started begging and pleading for him to show me what to do with it, he began to reveal everything but that. He has shown me who did and didn't belong in my life. Where I am supposed to be physically, and He has shown me how to work on myself mentally. When all along I was thinking you're supposed to be fixing everyone else. The old saying, "you can't pour from an empty cup" has never resonated with me until the last 3 years.
After losing Madux, I jumped in to comfort all the people mode. I comforted everyone but myself. Everyone around me was falling apart and my natural instinct was to fix them, to help them heal. I was exhausted. I was running around in circles and losing myself very quickly. I got so caught up in making sure everyone else was ok, I broke myself down to a near breaking point.
As I reflect on those years, I know that I needed everything I went through to get to where I am now. I know that I needed to see the fake people in my life. I know that I needed that time so I can be the best version of myself. In His time I have found out so much about myself. I needed to slow down, trust his timing and have Faith.
Once I got through the hurt of losing friends and learning to be independent He told me to write. I have fought with him day after day about writing this blog. The overwhelming fear of judgment has been debilitating some days. I would cry at night, I know you want me to share my journey Lord but they are going to laugh at me, they are going to make fun of my grammar. I've had every excuse in the book. What most people don't know about me is, I love to write. I have loved to read and write stories since I was a little girl. My favorite memories with my dad are going to Clarksville, TN on Friday nights to Books-A-Million to buy the next Babysitters Club or Boxcar children book.
As you can see I finally said, "ok" and have started writing. I pray that He gives me the words to say to help someone out there. Just one person. I don't know who you are but I hope I can help.
This July also celebrates the one year birthday of Madux Threads and I am so proud of this little business. I hope to celebrate many more years with this business and I pray that I can bless lives through the work I do. I pray that God uses me, my words and my business to bring people to Him.
Until next time,
Kenzie
I refuse to not celebrate them both in the ways they deserve to be celebrated. This month I choose to celebrate them both. I choose to take my moments to grieve as well as laugh and remember the mischievous little boy that is now in Heaven. I choose to throw a Unicorn themed birthday for my sparkles and rainbow loving little girl. This year I am in a place that I can do both. It's taken me a very long time but as of July 2nd, 7:28 AM I feel like I am mentally prepared for the days to come. Not to say, I could completely fall apart at noon today. But I'm holding strong.
The Lord has worked miraculously in my life over the past 3 years. I began this journey as a bereaved mom clinging to Gods word. I just didn't know what to do with it. I just held on to, "God will get me through this, I have Faith and He gave me this for a reason. Once I started begging and pleading for him to show me what to do with it, he began to reveal everything but that. He has shown me who did and didn't belong in my life. Where I am supposed to be physically, and He has shown me how to work on myself mentally. When all along I was thinking you're supposed to be fixing everyone else. The old saying, "you can't pour from an empty cup" has never resonated with me until the last 3 years.
After losing Madux, I jumped in to comfort all the people mode. I comforted everyone but myself. Everyone around me was falling apart and my natural instinct was to fix them, to help them heal. I was exhausted. I was running around in circles and losing myself very quickly. I got so caught up in making sure everyone else was ok, I broke myself down to a near breaking point.
As I reflect on those years, I know that I needed everything I went through to get to where I am now. I know that I needed to see the fake people in my life. I know that I needed that time so I can be the best version of myself. In His time I have found out so much about myself. I needed to slow down, trust his timing and have Faith.
Once I got through the hurt of losing friends and learning to be independent He told me to write. I have fought with him day after day about writing this blog. The overwhelming fear of judgment has been debilitating some days. I would cry at night, I know you want me to share my journey Lord but they are going to laugh at me, they are going to make fun of my grammar. I've had every excuse in the book. What most people don't know about me is, I love to write. I have loved to read and write stories since I was a little girl. My favorite memories with my dad are going to Clarksville, TN on Friday nights to Books-A-Million to buy the next Babysitters Club or Boxcar children book.
As you can see I finally said, "ok" and have started writing. I pray that He gives me the words to say to help someone out there. Just one person. I don't know who you are but I hope I can help.
This July also celebrates the one year birthday of Madux Threads and I am so proud of this little business. I hope to celebrate many more years with this business and I pray that I can bless lives through the work I do. I pray that God uses me, my words and my business to bring people to Him.
Until next time,
Kenzie
Love you BIG!! ❤❤
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