Bereaved

Bereaved

              Until July 16, 2016, I did not know the word existed much less the meaning and how deeply parents ached at the mere sound of it.  When I became a bereaved parent, God spoke to me pretty quickly. I knew almost immediately what I was supposed to be doing with my life.  Yet I let fear and doubt talk me out of it (more about that later.)  Here I sit almost 3 years later finally putting “pen to paper” and telling fear to go shove it. 

              No matter the age or the cause of death it isn’t talked about nearly enough.  This is something that women sat in their closet floors and cry about at night because their husbands “just don’t mourn like that” or so mine didn’t anyway.  Even at my son’s funeral women would whisper in my ear, “I lost a child too.”  Like I was the newest member of a secret society.  I’m a member of a club I never wanted to be in. 

The more I speak about losing Madux, the more women will reach out to me.  Whether its by miscarriage or something as horrific as what happened to my son. They tie it up in a pretty little bow and stow it away to share on a rainy day.  Not once in 3 years can I recall has a man came to me and said he’s lost a child.  What is this? Why aren’t we talking about it? I want to shout from the rooftops that I miss Madux.  He’s not some secret I want to keep.  I think I make people uncomfortable when I talk about it him.  They give me that head turned sideways look, an AWWW and the look in their eyes of “please don’t make this any more uncomfortable.”  He was an awesome 7-year-old little boy and had an amazing story that we can share for years to come.  I find it uncomfortable not talking about him. 

              I’m not sure how to change the hearts of mothers who have lost a child. I want them all to know its ok to talk about your baby.  But I do know how to share the story of the child that I have lost and that is my intentions here.  I have a beautiful little girl that misses her big brother dearly.  She is going through life every day, getting over huge mental hurdles and I hope that this is a place that I can share both of our struggles and triumphs. 

              If you have lost a child, loved one or for whatever reason you are here. I hope my words help you and warm your heart.