Crossfit and Jesus

To say this week has been frustrating so far would be an understatement.  Its early Thursday morning and I've already had the P'Pool in me tested way too many times.  If you don't know what that means then consider yourself lucky.  (Joking...a little)  My maiden name is P'Pool.  My dad, his 5 brothers, and my Daddy Pool all have a very direct way of letting you know when you tick them off.  Now don't get me wrong, or think we're just a bunch of mean people but when people are testing my nerves I want to give them an H.C. P'Pool cussin'. (Do I sound country yet?) But, I don't because it's so heavy on my heart to let them see Jesus in me.  Kindness goes a long way and despite the very southern way I was raised I don't go around cursing at people.  

Anyhow, I have been praying very hard lately for Him to give me the strength to deal with difficult people, situations and the strength to get through another anniversary of Madux's accident.  Monday morning, to start my week I had a fender bender.  By Wednesday I had dealt with several very difficult people over money.  I won't go into detail because the point there is simple, don't mess someone's money.  I have groceries to buy and bills to pay.  Plain and simple.  

As you can imagine by Wednesday I am near done.  Put a fork in me.  I had the day off and I dropped Brylee off a summer camp.  I go home sit on the couch and stare at my computer feeling hopeless and lost.  I started feeling anxious and overwhelmed by the world.  I started questioning my business and if I was doing the right thing to earn extra money.  I browsed the internet for hours looking for something different, something to spark my creativity.  Maybe I shouldn't be doing this, maybe I should just give up.  It was afternoon and I had a reserved spot at the Crossfit gym at 4:30.  I told myself, I was going no matter what.  So I went ahead and put on my gym clothes and took a drive.  I found myself at Hobby Lobby. I mean where else do you go when you're questioning your life decisions.  

I walked aimlessly around Hobby Lobby for a good hour hoping something would ignite my creativity or God would show me what I should be doing.  I was convinced I should add something to my t-shirt business.  Was it jewelry again? Painting, I can't paint! Ohh, this leather display is cool what could I do with that? I left Hobby Lobby empty-handed and with a feeling of defeat.  Just give up, I thought to myself.  All these things are already being done, just throw in the towel.  I literally groaned in frustration.  

After picking Brylee up from camp I was stopped by a stalled train and begin talking myself out of going to the gym.  But, I was so frustrated I knew I had to go and take it all out on this workout.  I took a back road and made it there a few minutes late.  I was there and I was ready to take all my aggression out on the workout.  

I just started this gym last week, I've been taking classes at the YMCA for some time now and I was getting bored and losing interest.  This opportunity couldn't have come at a better time.  From the meal plans to the people, I know this is where I am supposed to be right now.  The WOD included running, wall balls, and box jumps, it was my hardest one yet.  My first round wasn't bad,  I just wanted to finish all 3 rounds before time was up.  By the second round, I was throwing those Wall Balls fiercely and taking my frustrations out on the wall the best I could without anything thinking I was crazy.  

As I was running my last 200 meters through the parking lot it occurred to me, you get to do this.  You get to do life.  You get the opportunity to live and breathe.  Then God really spoke to me and said you've dealt with all of these situations this week better than you would have a few years ago.  You're going to be ok, stop being so hard on yourself and trust me through your struggles.  

As I finished the workout I ran up the steps to the gym and the clock was at 14:30. THIRTY Y'ALL. 30! The 14 meant nothing to me but if you know anything about my Madux, he will forever be #30. He wore that 30 on his jersey for several years.  Now his friends and our loved ones will forever associate him with that number. I know it was a sign from Heaven above.  I was the first to finish and as I walked around the room catching my breath, I read this quote on the board.  

"Strength does not come from winning.  Your struggles develop your strengths.  When you go through hardship and decide not to surrender.  That is strength!" 

Your struggles develop your strength.  

I think He lets us struggle so we can learn how to fully rely on Him.  In John 16:33 he tells us, "you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!" 

When you go through hardship and decide not to surrender! That is strength! 

This morning as I reflect I look back and see how I leaned on Him and prayed day in out for the strength to get through and He was and is always there. 

Even the youths shall faint and be weary,

And the young men shall utterly fall,

 But those who wait on the Lord

Shall renew their strength;

They shall mount up with wings like eagles,

They shall run and not be weary,

They shall walk and not faint. 

Isaiah 40:30-31

As July 19th approaches and we start another year without Madux I know without a shadow of a doubt that my race is not over yet.  I am here for a reason and HIS mercies renew every morning.  

 Even though I didn't get a big flashing sign telling me what I should be doing, I know that I need to stay the course and keep running. 

Whatever you're struggling with right now, don't surrender to the negative self-talk or the difficult people in your life through Christ, you have the strength to accomplish big things.  

XOXO,

Kenzie 

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